When a friend asked me recently if Sicily, It’s Not Quite Tuscany was available at Amazon, I went to the website to check. Typing “Shamus Sillar” into the search bar sadly didn’t lead to my book (no huge surprise though, since distribution is currently limited to Australia and New Zealand), but it did lead to a whole lot of other weird and wonderful crapola, most of which I’m considering buying.
1. A Burt Reynolds DVD
Can’t say that I’ve seen Shamus, the 1973 action film about a hard-nosed private detective, though I do like this comment from one of the Amazon customers who reviewed it: “Burt Reynolds gets beat up so much in this film, it’s a wonder he can make love to Dyan Cannon on top of a pool table mid-movie!”
2. A pair of “Shamu the killer whale” slippers
* Embroidered SeaWorld Logo on side
* Durability and Comfort with Polyester Fiber Stuffing
* Surface Washable
* Available in 4 Adult Sizes
4. A diabolically boring book
Electrical Insulating Materials and their Application
by Ronald William Sillars. Published by Peter Peregrinus Ltd. for the Institution of Electrical Engineers, 1973. Hardcover edition.
5. An Evercare Pet Hair Adhesive Roller
I have no idea why a search for my name leads you to an adhesive roller for picking up pet hair. What I can tell you is that this particular adhesive roller is “Now 50% Stickier!”
6. A fake novelty parking sign
“RESTRICTED AREA – PARKING FOR SHAMUS FANS ONLY – ALL OTHERS WILL BE DESTROYED”
(Made of indoor/outdoor weatherproof 040 polystyrene with rounded corners and one hole at each end for hanging.)
7. A book for teens that actually sounds more like an adult film
Pirates of Savannah: The Hunt for Shamus’s Booty.
8. A bottle of 240 chewable supplements for dogs
DVM Resources SynoviG3 Soft Chews (240 Chews): “A nutritional supplement offering chondroprotective agents, natural anti-inflammatories and powerful antioxidants in a moist, tasty, easy-to-chew treat for enhanced client compliance.”
Quite frankly, who needs a copy of my book when you can get your hands on all of this gold?